by Kiera Wolfe
I’ve tricked the police, I’m really rather clever,
They wrongly believe, I’ll be in here forever.
I ramble nonsense sometimes; they think I’m a loon.
But, I’ve still one salvation, for I’ve sneaked in a spoon.
I’ve seen all the movies; I know what to do,
I gouge out a tunnel, and then say ‘toodaloo!’
But wait, how will I dig through straight stone?
I find it’s quite impossible, and I let out a moan.
But hey! I’m a genius! I’ll escape from this jerk,
I saw this idea on Mythbusters so it really must work.
I’ll make a long rope, woven from hair,
I’ll climb down the side, ha! No need to despair!
It’ll take me a while, but of hair there is plenty,
My bunkmate doesn’t need all her hair, she’s almost twenty!
But I forgot, they shaved her head to resell,
So now she’s bald! Alas, no useful people in this cell.
But don’t fret; my next plan is surefire,
It’ll be quite easy, no need to perspire.
I’ll rush out and get caught, get put in a new prison,
For my new plan is great, even if newly arisen.
I I’ve tricked the police, I’m really rather clever,
They wrongly believe, I’ll be in here forever.
But I’m in a new jail, this one’s in New York,
And I will escape, for this time I have a fork.
Showing posts with label poetry. Show all posts
Showing posts with label poetry. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Monday, November 22, 2010
War? War! Poetry
We’ve gone to war, and declared it so
We both agree, if we are to grow,
Then one shall stay, and one shall go,
A colony shall remain, ichi, eins, uno
Red vs. Black, only we shall thrive,
As we climb over the hill, we will survive,
The queen is safe, well fed, and alive,
The Reds cower in fear until we arrive.
Using antennae, we relay and talk,
We hide behind the springtime stalk,
The sun is blocked out by a single hawk,
But we never stop, to look, to gawk
Our armies clash, workers and warriors galore,
Our enemies cower at our silent roar,
What is the reason for this gore?
Miniscule corpses line the floor.
But alas we were all one speed slower,
For the Human just finished with the leaf blower,
I can feel morale sinking lower, lower,
As millions of ants are bested by the lawn mower.
We both agree, if we are to grow,
Then one shall stay, and one shall go,
A colony shall remain, ichi, eins, uno
Red vs. Black, only we shall thrive,
As we climb over the hill, we will survive,
The queen is safe, well fed, and alive,
The Reds cower in fear until we arrive.
Using antennae, we relay and talk,
We hide behind the springtime stalk,
The sun is blocked out by a single hawk,
But we never stop, to look, to gawk
Our armies clash, workers and warriors galore,
Our enemies cower at our silent roar,
What is the reason for this gore?
Miniscule corpses line the floor.
But alas we were all one speed slower,
For the Human just finished with the leaf blower,
I can feel morale sinking lower, lower,
As millions of ants are bested by the lawn mower.
Monday, November 8, 2010
Little Jamie: A Poem of Mischief
Little Jamie
Little Jamie ran through the town, wreaking havoc at every turn,
Jamie’s taunts and torments made the ladies ‘tsk’ with concern.
Mischief was Jamie’s forte; you would never catch Jamie with a toy,
Instead, people were Jamie’s playthings, and their agony caused great joy.
Jamie would trap spiders, and let them loose in class,
And threw paper airplanes at the choir when attending Sunday Mass.
When Jamie was looking for some fun, all the pets would hide,
For Jamie would throw bricks at them, and look upon their hurts with pride.
When Jamie decided it was time to play, there would appear a length of string,
That wound around the feet of runners, and left then with a mighty sting.
Jamie poured pots of water on walkers beneath Jamie’s windowsill,
And for the rest of the day they were sad and wet and caught a horrid chill.
Jamie picked up frogs and snails, and would put them in your bed,
So when you woke, Jamie could laugh with glee as they oozed around your head.
Jamie was a true menace; schoolgirls were constantly finding gum in their hair,
And Jamie would giggle contentedly from within an evil lair.
And when Jamie pulled the final straw, and stole the mayor’s prize pearl,
The town decided not to punish Jamie, for Jamie was a girl.
Little Jamie ran through the town, wreaking havoc at every turn,
Jamie’s taunts and torments made the ladies ‘tsk’ with concern.
Mischief was Jamie’s forte; you would never catch Jamie with a toy,
Instead, people were Jamie’s playthings, and their agony caused great joy.
Jamie would trap spiders, and let them loose in class,
And threw paper airplanes at the choir when attending Sunday Mass.
When Jamie was looking for some fun, all the pets would hide,
For Jamie would throw bricks at them, and look upon their hurts with pride.
When Jamie decided it was time to play, there would appear a length of string,
That wound around the feet of runners, and left then with a mighty sting.
Jamie poured pots of water on walkers beneath Jamie’s windowsill,
And for the rest of the day they were sad and wet and caught a horrid chill.
Jamie picked up frogs and snails, and would put them in your bed,
So when you woke, Jamie could laugh with glee as they oozed around your head.
Jamie was a true menace; schoolgirls were constantly finding gum in their hair,
And Jamie would giggle contentedly from within an evil lair.
And when Jamie pulled the final straw, and stole the mayor’s prize pearl,
The town decided not to punish Jamie, for Jamie was a girl.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Ode to my Ultralord
Today I got an Ultralord; he’s really quite a catch.
I bought him in mint condition, not a single scratch.
But when I opened him up today, I realized something weird.
There was a problem with his voice box, just as I had feared.
My brand new Ultralord, the first thing that he said,
Was to ask whether I liked his nails, and if he should paint them red.
Then I faced Robo-Fiend, and put Ultralord in a fighting stance,
But instead of bringing justice, he wanted to go to the dance.
I prepared my Ultralord for battle, and gave him his laser blaster,
But when he stopped to check his hair, it turned into a disaster.
What is wrong with my Ultralord? He should be protecting space!
He is NOT a Barbie, what does he have makeup on his face?
I want another Ultralord, one that can actually fight,
I’ll give him to my sister, I’m sure he and Ken will get along alright.
I bought him in mint condition, not a single scratch.
But when I opened him up today, I realized something weird.
There was a problem with his voice box, just as I had feared.
My brand new Ultralord, the first thing that he said,
Was to ask whether I liked his nails, and if he should paint them red.
Then I faced Robo-Fiend, and put Ultralord in a fighting stance,
But instead of bringing justice, he wanted to go to the dance.
I prepared my Ultralord for battle, and gave him his laser blaster,
But when he stopped to check his hair, it turned into a disaster.
What is wrong with my Ultralord? He should be protecting space!
He is NOT a Barbie, what does he have makeup on his face?
I want another Ultralord, one that can actually fight,
I’ll give him to my sister, I’m sure he and Ken will get along alright.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Be Exited! Ode To Ultralord
My next Poetry Cafe is about Barbies/Action Figures. I'm thinking on doing an Ode to Ultralord comments? or just speak "barbie girl" rhythmically and see if my teacher notices :P
heres the Jimmy Neutron wiki page entry on Ultralord:
Ultralord is a fictional TV show character in a fictional TV show, with which Sheen Estevez and his family is really obsessed with. Also there are a series of action figures out. In the show his worst enemy is Robo-Fiend, but Sheen often says that he battled many enemies like "The predatrous plants." Ultralord has many merchandise products, such as masks, action figures, clothes, and more. In the feature film, Sheen receives an Ultralord mask from an Ultralord mascot. Sheen's dad also has an Ultralord mask that he wears often.
Monday, October 18, 2010
The Foilman: A Poem
Inspired by The Epeeman, by Ralph Goldstein
The Foilman, the Foilman, truly the best of the bunch,
The Sabreman, the Epeeman, he could eat them both for lunch.
The Foilman is the only one, who possesses true finesse,
The Foilmen own the board, in the game of fencer’s chess.
A Foilman is quick and sly; he always keeps his wit,
‘Hide your moves, keep it small, and make them the ones to quit.’
The Foilman is like a dancer, always on his toes,
A Foilman can lunge and leap, and always fool his foes.
The Foilman is calculating, analyzing your every move,
And no parry can stop the Foilman, once he’s in the groove.
But the Sabreman, the Epeeman, they really aren’t so bad,
They deserve a little stanza, but really just a tad.
The Sabreman is ferocious, slashing from overhead,
And if he doesn’t want to use tact, he can just bop you on the head.
The Epeeman can take a challenge, in that I must concur,
He has to guard and attack everything, moving as a blur.
But the Foilman, the Foilman, always victorious on the mat,
To him, and me, and all the rest, to them I tip my hat.
The Foilman, the Foilman, truly the best of the bunch,
The Sabreman, the Epeeman, he could eat them both for lunch.
The Foilman is the only one, who possesses true finesse,
The Foilmen own the board, in the game of fencer’s chess.
A Foilman is quick and sly; he always keeps his wit,
‘Hide your moves, keep it small, and make them the ones to quit.’
The Foilman is like a dancer, always on his toes,
A Foilman can lunge and leap, and always fool his foes.
The Foilman is calculating, analyzing your every move,
And no parry can stop the Foilman, once he’s in the groove.
But the Sabreman, the Epeeman, they really aren’t so bad,
They deserve a little stanza, but really just a tad.
The Sabreman is ferocious, slashing from overhead,
And if he doesn’t want to use tact, he can just bop you on the head.
The Epeeman can take a challenge, in that I must concur,
He has to guard and attack everything, moving as a blur.
But the Foilman, the Foilman, always victorious on the mat,
To him, and me, and all the rest, to them I tip my hat.
Surviving a Zombie Apocalypse: A Poem
Surviving a Zombie Apocalypse
During a zombie apocalypse, your main goal is to survive,
The number one rule - that zombie is not your friend come back alive.
2. Always know your enemy, and of its strengths take note,
For if you ignore a zombie’s might, it will be quickly at your throat.
Pay special attention to a zombie’s teeth, hands, and smell,
You see, as a zombie gets older, its awful odor will swell.
3. Don’t forget a zombie’s weaknesses, for you don’t have to take flight,
If you think you are ready for the task, by all means, stay and fight.
A zombie certainly lacks in coordination, intellect, and speed,
With knowledge and preparation before, you will certainly succeed.
4. Avoid infection at all costs, and above every other aim,
Cover up as much as possible, to avoid joining the zombie game.
5. At all times, attempt to be resourceful; your terrain is always vital,
Try to avoid theatrics; this isn’t your second grade recital.
If that day comes around, where all of humanity must get up and brawl,
Make sure you educate everyone, so that our species does not fall.
Do not ignore the zombies, they aren’t fake like Nessie and Cupid,
BUT ABOVE ALL REMEMBER, THAT MUMMIES ARE ETERNALLY STUPID!
During a zombie apocalypse, your main goal is to survive,
The number one rule - that zombie is not your friend come back alive.
2. Always know your enemy, and of its strengths take note,
For if you ignore a zombie’s might, it will be quickly at your throat.
Pay special attention to a zombie’s teeth, hands, and smell,
You see, as a zombie gets older, its awful odor will swell.
3. Don’t forget a zombie’s weaknesses, for you don’t have to take flight,
If you think you are ready for the task, by all means, stay and fight.
A zombie certainly lacks in coordination, intellect, and speed,
With knowledge and preparation before, you will certainly succeed.
4. Avoid infection at all costs, and above every other aim,
Cover up as much as possible, to avoid joining the zombie game.
5. At all times, attempt to be resourceful; your terrain is always vital,
Try to avoid theatrics; this isn’t your second grade recital.
If that day comes around, where all of humanity must get up and brawl,
Make sure you educate everyone, so that our species does not fall.
Do not ignore the zombies, they aren’t fake like Nessie and Cupid,
BUT ABOVE ALL REMEMBER, THAT MUMMIES ARE ETERNALLY STUPID!
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