Ode to my Ultralord

Today I got an Ultralord; he’s really quite a catch.
I bought him in mint condition, not a single scratch.

But when I opened him up today, I realized something weird.
There was a problem with his voice box, just as I had feared.

My brand new Ultralord, the first thing that he said,
Was to ask whether I liked his nails, and if he should paint them red.

Then I faced Robo-Fiend, and put Ultralord in a fighting stance,
But instead of bringing justice, he wanted to go to the dance.

I prepared my Ultralord for battle, and gave him his laser blaster,
But when he stopped to check his hair, it turned into a disaster.

What is wrong with my Ultralord? He should be protecting space!
He is NOT a Barbie, what does he have makeup on his face?

I want another Ultralord, one that can actually fight,
I’ll give him to my sister, I’m sure he and Ken will get along alright.